How To Manage A Manager Without Destroying Your Reputation

When something is not working with a manager, the instinct is often to go straight to the skip manager and make the case for change.

But before we do anything, there are three questions worth sitting with.

1. Has the feedback been given to the manager directly?

This is the part most people avoid, but it is the most critical part.

We want the manager to be better and we want a good working relationship. But giving them the feedback directly feels uncomfortable, so we sugar coat it, or skip it entirely and go straight to the skip manager.

Here’s some tough love for you: that approach almost always backfires.

If the skip manager asks whether the feedback has been shared directly and the answer is no, or barely, that becomes the story. The issue shifts from the manager's behaviour to how we have handled it.

The feedback needs to go to the manager first, clearly and constructively. That is what gives us the standing to escalate if nothing changes.

2. Are we dealing with facts or emotions?

Before any feedback conversation, it is worth asking: am I in victim mode, or am I clearly addressing the facts of the situation?

This is where the CCTV rule helps.

Imagine there is a CCTV camera in the room. What action or behaviour would the recording actually show? That is the feedback. Everything else, what we heard about their previous job, what colleagues think, what we assume their intentions are, is not the feedback. It is noise.

Keeping it factual protects us. It also makes the conversation far more productive.

3. Remember that perceptions are everything

In corporate situations, perceptions are everything. 

The skip manager, the people around us, they are all observing how we handle this. Going in with a list of grievances, secondhand opinions, and assumptions about someone's character positions us as people who are difficult to manage.

A big part of our role is making sure our manager looks good, even when we are frustrated with them. Optics matter here.

Over To You

Giving upward feedback well is one of the most powerful career skills we can develop. If navigating situations like this is something you want to get better at, Career Accelerator is where we practise exactly this. We work to communicate with clarity, manage up with confidence, and be seen as someone ready for the next level. Spots for the next cohort are limited and I would love to have you in the room. Join the waitlist here and I will be in touch with details.

Rooting for you,
Angel Kilian
Founder | Career inFocus